These are the things that I know about American Horror Show [Ed: Shea, it’s American Horror STORY], which I am supposed to write 1,600 words about right now. I know that:
a) It is a TV show that comes on TV.
b) It is a scary show, though it might be more accurate to describe it as a weird show or a creepy show.
c) It is not the same show as The Walking Dead (I suspect if you are a fan of one then you either like them both or you absolutely hate the other one).
d) People won’t shut the fuck up about it.
Beyond that, I am completely unaware. I don’t know what the plot of the show is (again, I think that the creeping out is central). I don’t know one single person that has a role on the show (there is this man that lives down the street from me that has a very large upper body and extremely skinny legs—he’s hella creepy, so it’d be pretty neat if he was on there). I don’t know what season it’s in and I guess I don’t even know the names of any of the characters.
So what I did then (per my editor, mind you) is just sit on Twitter while the show was on Sunday evening and peruse the #AmericanHorrorStory hashtag and try to figure out what was going on as it was happening.
1. The neighbor died.
I don’t know who he’s the neighbor to or what his role on the show was beyond “neighbor,” I just know that he is no longer for this world. I think that I might not be alone in my naivety here though: The only thing people seemed to be saying about him was that he was handsome. I hope that when I die that’s all people say about me. I don’t figure that’ll be the case. I figure my family will say something like, “He was an okay dad and an okay husband and he never got very obese, so that’s good” and I figure that people on the Internet will say something like, “Shea’s dead? Shea? Oh right! That’s the guy that was always making boner jokes, right? RIP Boner Jokes.” Just like they say about Martin Luther King, Jr.